So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
