glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
