what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
