rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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