I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
