Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
