Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
