my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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