I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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