And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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