We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
