You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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