i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
