i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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