i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
