he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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