he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
