My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
