I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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