Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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