Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
