I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
