What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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