did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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