I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
