I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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