i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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