Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
