I need help removing her.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
