He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
