Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
