Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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