maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
