someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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