Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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