I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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