Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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