I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
