I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
