No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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