He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
