Ambien. No doubt about it.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
