bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
