btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
