I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
