I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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