it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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