Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
