I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
