I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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