Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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